Funny Phrases
Note: If there is no author after a quote, it is by anonymous.
"I'm old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway."
"Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway."
"G-d please give me patience, if you give me strength I will just punch them in the face"
"I consider myself a crayon, I might not be your favorite color but one day you'll need me to complete your picture."
-Savannah Highnote
-Savannah Highnote
"Stop worrying about the world ending today. It's already tomorrow in Australia."
"If we were on a sinking ship, and there was only one life vest... I would miss you so much."
"The two reasons I'm fat are: I eat when I'm board, I'm board all the time."
"I wish I was you so I could be friends with me"
"Life isn't measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the number of moments that take your breath away."
"Lazy people's fact number 78931083479200239583840293400245745:
You were too lazy to read that number"
You were too lazy to read that number"
"What I do when I see someone pretty is I stare I smile then when I get tired I put the mirror down."
"Girls are like phones. We love to be held and talked to, but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!"
"You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now I'm scared!"
"I always try to cheer myself up by singing when I get sad. Most of the time, it turns out that my voice is worse than my problems."
"Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you."
"Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else."
-Alison Boulter
-Alison Boulter
"I'm not lazy, I'm just very relaxed."
"Love your enemies. It makes them so.... mad."
-P.D East
-P.D East
"Smile today, tomorrow could be worse."
"Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die."
-Albert King
-Albert King
"My first attempt of cooking was so great, even the smoke alarm was there cheering me on"
"Everyone brings joy to the room. Some when they enter, others when they leave."
"My kids drive me crazy, and I drive them everywhere else"
"The most important thing in life is not knowing everything, it's having the phone number of somebody who does!"
"It's not important to win, it's important to make the other guy lose."
"I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it."
"You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself."
"If you didn't see it with your own eyes, or hear it with your own ears, don't invent it with your small mind and share it with your big mouth!"
"My door is always open, your welcome to leave"
"I didn't hit you, I just high-fived you in the face."
"I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way."
"If every day is a gift, then where can I return Monday?"
"An alarm clock is a mechanism. It shakes the daylights into you"
"Family's are like slippers. Comfortable inside, embarrassing in public"
"Family's are like fudge. Mostly sweet with a few nuts"
"Thank G-D I'm an atheist"
"Most of the time... when you're crying, nobody notices your tears. Most of the time... when you're worried, nobody feels your pain. Most of the time... when you're happy, nobody sees your smile. But when you fart just one time..."